What I would say to creationists if I was more of a dick

Remember… You may not be able to “fix” stupid, but you sure can hit it with a bat until you feel better.

The title says it all, really. This is what I would say to creationists if I were more of a dick. I would say it to their faces, email it to them, drop it on every comment on every blog. Yet, alas, my confidence wanes and I simply cannot bring myself to be this impolite in person. I have a particular standard to uphold; one that avoids pointless personal attacks, egregious insults, or foul-mouthed idiocy of my own. I want to avoid being that snooty asshole who shouts and screams and makes witty but unfortunately content-free remarks, even if it gets me the adoration of the “evolutionists” and “atheistists” around me. Okay, so I’m occasionally snide-as-all-fuck, but I try to at least keep it on topic.

But… a constant barrage of insults, bad arguments, accusations of endorsing racism and outright absurd remarks that cease to even begin to understand the simplest basic fundamentals of science itself, all takes its toll. One can snap. I apologise if any of this sounds exceptionally snooty to non-creationists, but frankly that’s the effect I’m after. Here, I have a safe space to vent. So, I am putting my “dick cap” on; a whopping great big 12 inch dildo is being strapped on to my head and it’s ready to fuck. If you’re easily offended, please don’t read this and then complain. Don’t be that much of an idiot, I beg of you. You have been warned.

(As this is still ticking over with quite a lot of Facebook/Google+ views, I want to drop a memo that there’s a follow up post that answers most points that have been raised and save you the trouble of looking like an idiot in a comments section somewhere)

Here it is.


Dear Creationists,

You are stupid.

Genuinely stupid.

By every conceivable metric that we can assess intelligence, intellect, mental ability, reasoning and sense, you’re stupid. Even the very ability to string words together in coherent ways, you’re stupid. You fail at all of this. You are fucking stupid. There is no way of getting out of this accusation; it is as close to an absolute, proven fact, that an honest assessment of the situation can get.

Not ignorant; no, that’s something else. Ignorance is merely the lack of knowledge. That’s fine. I cannot blame someone for merely not knowing some random piece of shit, or not being exposed to information. You don’t get a choice in ignorance and merely not knowing. For a start, you’re born ignorant of everything in the entire world. New born babies don’t even know what things in the world are part of their own fucking bodies and what things aren’t – they really do have to learn this for themselves. So, no, you’re not just ignorant because if you were, I wouldn’t be here writing this.

No, this is something fucking different, far fucking worse. What you stand not only accused of, but proven guilty of, shits and pisses all over the innocence of simple ignorance and goes into the dark territory of deceit and fucking lies. This is wilful ignorance. This is prideful ignorance. You take your fucking ignorance and wave it around at every opportunity to say “hey, look at me, I’m so fucking stupid” and expect people to give you some kind of shit-hot respect for it.

Do I want to blame you for it? When your elders, and priests, and preachers, and the unqualified crank pseudo-scientific quasi-philosophers they get to back them up, have all conspired to brainwash you into thinking this is a good thing? Yes, I fucking do. You have made a choice to stay ignorant, and be happy with it. You’re a fucking idiot, and you damn well know it.  You’re probably a right-wing homophobic little shit as well, so probably think being gay is a choice. So here’s one for you; being a fucking fruit-loop imbecile is a choice, a choice you made when you decided that thinking was too much fucking effort and just let some cockend from Answers in Genesis do it for you.

"We don't see ants coming out of peanut butter, therefore evolution is wrong." - you're a bunch of fucking idiots.

“I tried opening this peanut butter jar, and I accidentally got my penis trapped in a lettuce instead.”

You know it. You know it, and you Just. Don’t. Fucking. Care.

Why do I bother with you? Just why? Why do I drag myself down to that sort of level? I continually drag myself down to the level of creationist cock-ends but just can’t figure out why.

Let’s look at some clear facts here.

I have a fucking masters degree. I took four years out of my life learning quantum mechanics; management; nuclear physics; organic, inorganic, analytical, green, environmental, atmospheric chemistry; mathematics; and a fuck-ton of life skills and problem solving skills possessed by a tiny fraction of people. Oh yes, now that’s some fucking catharsis right there.

I can write, I can draw, I can play and compose music, and I can program a computer to do a little fucking jig.  Importantly, I know the difference between “there”, “their” and “they’re” – and fuck knows that’s a rare skill. I can do most of that without getting my cock trapped in a blender, too. I’m even nice on occasion and, if I try, even likeable. I’m just going to blow a trumpet and say I have most talents bar singing (le sigh).

I wrote a whopping four-hundred-fucking-page book to get a doctorate. It’s sat there on a table right now, all bound and shiny with gold letters and my name on it, looking thick enough to bludgeon someone to death with. To get that far, I was locked in a room with two experts who read it and who spent nearly three hours ripping it to shreds and finding any excuse they could not to give the final award to me. At the end of it all, half a dozen people with the same level of qualification and beyond have all conspired to say “you’re good enough to be one of us”. I fucking starved. I fucking wrote ’til I dropped. I stayed up late and got up early. All to get that. And as blasé and modest as I try to come across in public, I wouldn’t have done any of that if I didn’t think it was all worth it.

And I’ve taught students. People even better than me, who have fought their way through the same shit and more, have said I’m good enough to be their proxy or their replacement to teach the next generation. I’m actively passing on knowledge, whether established or cutting edge, to students who one day will grow up to be the next me. Some days I hate those little shits, but to be fair to them, one day a good chunk of them will also be locked in that room with a pair of experts, shitting themselves and wanting to all go away. They will come out of it alive, as One Of Us, and they will fucking well deserve every bit of it. I am a cog in that academic and scientific machine, and damn well proud of it.

In short, I’m smart. I’m intelligent. I’m rational. I’m reasonable. I’m “brainy” as fuck as some might want to put it and have the paper to prove it. By every conceivable metric, I am at the top of the grey matter tree. In pleasant company, of course, but it’s still spacious at the top. If I believed in the absoluteness of the IQ test, I’d be bragging my ass off about being in the 98th percentile (I dunno, actually, last time I took one I was, like, 15 – who gives  a shit?).

That’s me.

"There are no transitional forms. There are no transitional forms. There are no transitional forms." - This is the face of stupidity, the kind of stupidity there is no excuse for outside of having your brain removed.

“There are no transitional forms. There are no transitional forms. There are no transitional forms.” – This is the face of stupidity, the kind of stupidity there is no excuse for outside of having your brain removed.

You, however, as someone who thinks the planet magically poofed into existence 6,000 fucking years ago, you’re at the bottom of that tree. Right down there in the grim dark bottom amongst the detritus, the worms and things that couldn’t even pull on a fucking pair of trousers without falling arse-over-tit to the floor. I may well be in the 98th percentile or wherever, but you, you dumb fuck, wouldn’t even know what “percentile” means without Google – which, by the way, has been built by the kind of people who know what “percentile” means without using Google. Because they had to have some way of knowing what it meant before they fucking built the thing – since you, you dumbfuck imbecile, need every little fucking thing explained to you in small words that don’t tax your brain too hard. Got that one? Need it dumbed down further? Fuck off.

You, because you manage to be mentally retarded in such a way that it’s actually offensive to those with genuine learning difficulties, couldn’t fucking understand the mere basics of anything I could possibly teach you about anything. Chemistry, biology or physics; it’d be all like fucking magic to you, and all the research and understanding would be like something that just happens to other people. Even the fucking basics of logic, or language, or how to frame an argument, or what evidence is, or why it’s important, or how science even works would be something beyond your tiny brain to fathom for even a second. Hell, the hurdles I would have to leap just to get you people to the point of discussing actual evolutionary biology, or actual geology, or actual radiometric dating would require me to type thousands of words, spend months of my life and back-up to the basics of how if you have two beans and then two more beans you have “some beans”. We’re talking some seriously fucking basic shit, here, that I’d have to cover first.

"The Grand Canyon could have formed in about five minutes" - in your fantasy world were physics doesn't exist.

“The Grand Canyon could have formed in about five minutes” – in your fantasy world were physics doesn’t exist.

And after all that effort and time and even sincere attempts to get your fucking brain to learn something, it still wouldn’t be worth it. You would ignore it anyway. You’d just let it go in one ear and out of the fucking other as if the squishy shit between them that others take for granted was just a gloopy transparent mess for you. You wouldn’t even address the fucking basics of what I could tell you. I could try to exemplify every nuance, meaning and deconstruction of, say, the phrase “evolution is a religion”, and you’d zone out as soon as I broke into fucking polysyllabic words and then, just as a little bit of drool came out, you’d say “but evolution is just a religion”. It’s all just fucking voodoo shit to you, something you’re actively scared of and don’t want to understand. You’ve rendered yourself physically incapable of understanding and basic comprehension and so I find myself almost constantly, every time I see one of you dumb shits opening your fucking mouths, struggling not to outright scream from the rooftops shouting “Fuck. This. Shit!”. Every single word in this extensive rant has been compressed in my head into a single thought; a thought that fires in my brain every time I see you slack-jawed fuck-tards speak, or type, or even making a motion to open your mouths or put fingers to a keyboard.

You sit and worship people like Kent Hovind, whose entire thesis wouldn’t even count as a winning entry in NaNoWriMo (which requires 50,000 words in a month) and has a Flesch reading age of a pre-teen (by contrast, the Flesch-Kincade reading complexity for my own thesis goes to the part of the scale where “reading age” stops being a meaningful concept, and a single chapter is larger than Kent Hovind’s entire derp-fest, and there’s fucking diagrams to boot – fucking suck it). Or you shout “amen” after every little tiny piece of faeces that oozes out of the mouth of Ray Comfort – a man, lest we forget, who thinks the word “bibliophile” is a fucking insult derived from “paedophile”. These aren’t just people amongst your ranks, these are your fucking experts. Your fucking experts can’t even wrap their heads around the simple shit understood by even the amateurish of Internet Atheists or pop-science enthusiasts. Hell, I know people who would faint at the sight of an integral, but hey, that shit ain’t for everyone and they’re still fucking smarter than you, since they’re not so stupid as to think evolution requires goldfish giving birth to zebras.

"Hello, my name is Kent Hovind." - Opening sentence of Kent Hovind's "doctoral" dissertation. "The C-H and H-H bonds are two of the most neglected structures in classical chemistry, despite the fact that the C--H bond is ubiquitous in organic compounds and dihydrogen is one of the most common substances in the universe" - the opening sentence of mine.

“Hello, my name is Kent Hovind.” – Opening sentence of Kent Hovind’s doctoral dissertation.
“The C-H and H-H bonds are two of the most neglected structures in classical chemistry, despite the fact that the C-H bond is ubiquitous in organic compounds and dihydrogen is one of the most common substances in the universe” – the opening sentence of mine.

You repeat mantras that have been refuted countless times. “Evolution is a religion!” “How do you know? Were you there?” “If we evolved from monkeys, how come there are still monkeys?” What the fuck do these things even mean? Really, it proves nothing. I means nothing. It’s bollocks, the lot of it.

Even if you ever get around to addressing any of the countless refutations to this simplistic fucking bullshit, all you can ever come up with is restating the point again, or whining about some other pathetic and irrelevant detail, or – and with fucking depressing regularity – spouting some bullshit about how people like me are suppressing your freedom. You know what? Go fucking jump off a bridge, and test your freedom to not believe in gravity. Literally, go do that now. I’ll wait.

I’m not even going to bother with refuting any examples here or going into specifics about evolution myself. I’m breaking plenty of my usual rules about dealing with you stupid-as-fuck individuals already, so I’m going to break another and tell you to do your own simple cursory fucking research on this. Not that you’d manage that, as anything you ever cite must always come from an approved source like “CreationWiki” – a site, may I add, that actively makes a point, and a proud point at that, of stifling any potential disagreement by not allowing any edit that is “pro” evolution. Do you see that bullshit on skeptic or “evolutionist” websites?

Target demographic; white Christian males, somewhere between the ages of 35 and 42.

Target demographic; white Christian males, somewhere between the ages of 35 and 42.

No. You fucking don’t.

You want to know why? Because we want the world to see the best you dumb-fucktarded intellectual rejects have come up with, in all their mundanely pathetic glory, just so everyone can see how fucking terrible each and every one of your so-called “arguments” are. Sometimes, we don’t even bother responding, we just quote you verbatim (that means “unaltered” (which means “we didn’t change it” (ooh, look, nested parentheses (that means “brackets”) I bet that’s blown your tiny fucking mind))) because even casual scrutiny makes your points look terrible; and frankly, a full refutation just isn’t worth the fucking effort. Not because we can’t, but because – as I said above – I’d practically have to teach you the English Fucking Language from scratch to point out the flaws.

You, who thinks a fucking single man and rib-clone woman and their two sons populated the entire earth without any freaking-frakking-fucking incest occurring because “hey, don’t ask awkward questions”, hold in high regard people who aren’t even worthy of pissing in the academic shadow of people like me. So where does that place you in that pecking order? You intentionally refuse to understand simple things; like how irrelevant evolution by natural selection is to abiogenesis; like the fact that “macro” and “micro” evolution are just things you made up (at least in the way you morons use those terms); or like how natural selection has nothing at all to do with eugenics. It’s all OH-YOUR-FUCKING-GOD-IT’S-HITLER all the fucking time. I mean, seriously, you intentionally avoid learning. You avoid understanding. You actively train yourself to not understand and you fucking revel in all this. You memorise your silly little one-sentence replies that mean sweet fuck all, and, by some magic, expect educated people like me to bow down to your right of free expression; well this here is my “free expression” in response you fucking lunatic, you’ve damn well driven me to it over the years.

You have no intellectual rights to this “debate” at all because you cannot even speak the language it requires. Even worse, you seem to think this actually qualifies you more.

How the fuck does that logic work?

"Have you ever told a lie?" - evidently selectively editing your interviews, re-recording questions to replace the context of the answers, or pretending that your most embarrassing moment had "always" been satire really, doesn't count.

“Have you ever told a lie?” – selectively editing your interviews, re-recording questions to replace the context of the answers, or pretending that your most embarrassing moment had “always” been satire really, doesn’t count.

Hint; it fucking doesn’t. It never will.

Get with the fucking programme already; if you cannot comprehend basic facts, you cannot expect to be invited to the debating table as an equal. It’s like you’re coming into a boardroom, full of people with projections and presentations and graphs and calculations, and then you start smearing the table in bullshit (actual shit, actual bull’s shit) and rolling around in it, flinging it at people, painting the window with it, flailing your arms up and down to make a little bullshit angel in the faeces-strewn floor, and then standing up to shout “Ta-da! Give me a Nobel Prize”.  You’re not my academic equal. In terms of intelligence and knowledge you’re fucking scum rotting at the bottom of a dark and forgotten barrel while I’m basking in the sun. I would love, genuinely love, to help raise you up to being on my level. I would love it. But you wouldn’t listen. That’s not really a prediction, it’s experience. I’ve seen you fucks talk under a Ray Comfort Facebook update. You just don’t listen. It’s a fact. I would tell you to read X, Y and Z. Hell, I’d even write my own summary of X, Y and Z, but you wouldn’t listen or even care. It would fall on intentionally deaf ears. As I said earlier, you’re not merely ignorant, you’re fucking wilfully ignorant.

Le sigh

But you know what the worst thing is?

The worst part is that some creationist out there, probably you because it’s being addressed to you, is probably going to find this rant and say “oh look at the little evolutionist, running out of points and resorting to insults”. Well fuck off.  Fuck the fuck off. Fucking fuck the fucking fuck off. Lube up some vegetables in your own bullshit and cram it. You think this is my attempt to prove you wrong?

No. Not at all.

It's funny because it's true.

It’s funny because it’s true.

This is my attempt to insult you.

This is my attempt to degrade and belittle you, your beliefs and your reasons all in one. They’ve already been shown to be wrong. I don’t need to add to that. It’s done, it’s dusted – there is no fucking debate you morons. The world ain’t 6,000 years old, women weren’t made from ribs, dinosaurs didn’t go onto a big boat to escape a flood, and natural selection doesn’t mean bacteria turning into chickens in a Petri dish overnight so that Hitler could kill Jews. You lost this good and hard the day science started digging through the geological column. If you want to complain that I’ve ran out of legitimate responses by writing this, then that just proves every single point that I’m making in this profanity ridden rant; that you don’t fucking listen, and are even proud of the fact that you’ve left yourself bereft of the ability to do so.

You’re not stupid because you believe the world appeared out of nowhere sometime more recently than the domestication of the dog – and no, I’m not going to tentatively say something like “evidence suggests that” it’s more recent than the domestication of the dog. No, it’s a Fucking Fact that the dog became domesticated in the tens of thousands of years ago. I don’t really give much of a shit that you believe it, that doesn’t concern me. You’re a fucking shit-faced idiot because of why you believe it. If you haven’t got the gist of this already; you’re proud of being stupid, you actively refuse to learn, you don’t examine anything critically, you fall for any piece-of-shit “evidence” your masters tell you. You don’t question them. You don’t realise they’re just out there wanting to keep you stupid, to keep you ignorant and to keep you not wanting to learn about the universe from sources that actually took the time to look at the universe. They want to keep you that way because you buy into their shit, with money. Your actual hard-earned money. You actually value these people with your working time. You go out, slog away in some backwater burger-flipping hell hole and actually give part of your monetary reward to people who want to keep you stupid. That’s galling to the rest of us who have a working and fully functioning brain that we deign to actually use.

You pay them. You donate to them. You buy their books and DVDs that they produce for fuck-all money and sell at a premium. Seriously, how much money does it cost Ray Comfort to show up to a college campus with a cheap camcorder to make one of his derp fests? Fuck all. Yet you’ll pay him $15 plus postage for the privilege of sucking his cock and reassuring yourselves over it – meanwhile he practically fucking swims in cash. Your cash. And it’ll keep going because he wants you to be stupid. Follow the fucking money, right? It’s in their best interests to trick and con you’ wake the fuck up to it.

You show this crap to your kids so they grow up stupid and buy more DVDs and books by the Comforts and the Hovinds and the Hams and the Gishes of this world. You show them Jesus riding a fucking dinosaur and pictures of Noah mucking out a boat that’s chock-full of animals that somehow managed to survive and reproduce to form every living thing we see on the planet in a geological blink of an eye (breathe…) and you think this is right? You don’t think this is the most ridiculous idea in the world? If it wasn’t for the coincidental fact that you’re backed by a non-falsifiable belief shared by a significant proportion of the population, you would actually be declared clinically insane. No fucking joke here, there are actually people with more coherent and rational beliefs in their head being secured in mental health wards.

Despite being as embedded as you possibly can in the evidence for it, you don’t realise that there’s an entire industry that makes a fortune from retarding your ability to think. You accept this, and refuse to actually exercise your innate abilities to think, question and explore so long as you say the magic words “but I am thinking, questioning and exploring”. No you’re fucking not. If you were, you’d be in my position. You, too, would find yourself locked in a room, actively battling and fighting with people tearing your ideas apart and demanding that you defend them and stand by them and justify every single thing you say. But you’re not. You never will be. Though, let’s be fair to the non-doctorate holding, non-creationists reading this for a brief moment; you don’t even have to be in that position of getting an academic qualification, you just want to be in the position where you’re willing to explore, and learn, and discuss and adapt. You don’t have to have any pieces of paper to be my equal; you just have to have the curiosity and a bit of genuine passion for learning. That alone more than qualifies you.

"The Tyrannosaurus Rex was created to eat plants" - the only reason AiG employs Paul Taylor is because his vaguely English accent makes him sound sophisticated next to Eric Hovind. It can't possibly because he has a functioning cortext.

“The Tyrannosaurus Rex was created to eat plants” – the only reason Creation Today employs Paul Taylor is because his vaguely English accent makes him sound sophisticated next to Eric Hovind. It can’t possibly because he has a functioning cortex.

Creationists, on the other hand, they refuse even that… and worse they think it’s a good thing.

There are a lot of people I think are stupid. Really fucking stupid. I mean, you might think it’s a long way down to the shops, but that’s peanuts compared to this stupid. There are people who think the World Trade Centre wasn’t hit by planes, but by holograms. There are people who think the skies are filled with mind-altering chemicals that can be dispersed – from miles away, no less – by spraying vinegar in the air. There are people who think we’re not being faced with a potential disaster of epic proportions because of how our society has polluted the planet. There are people who think vaccines cause autism and will find any old piece-of-shit evidence to prove it no matter how many times even the mere correlation is disproved. There is serious fucking stupid out there in the wide, dark and idiotic world.

But creationism is something else. It has that industry supporting it and perpetuating it, and it has people who buy into it so willingly. And you, because you think that everything came from nothing in a fucking click of a magic man’s fingers, are part of this. You’re out there derping on daily about something that we, using the entire knowledge collectively gathered by the human race, know is a lie. Honestly, though, you probably think it’s a lie too – but you’re both too damn proud of yourself and too damn proud of your stupidity to admit it. That’s your problem. It’s not about fossils, or genetics, or radiometric dating, it’s about your unwillingness to learn and better yourself. And it always will be.

In conclusion. Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. And may the god you believe in have mercy on your pathetic, idiotic, morally and intellectually bankrupt soul.

361 thoughts on “What I would say to creationists if I was more of a dick

  1. uu r wrong becz u nevr see big ban hapn so ure retarted!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ooc(the remaining of this post has been translated to proper English)
    You atheists are no better than creationists. You believe in a religion that has no god, is based on fact and not magic, has logical explanations and has evidence, and has a holy book titled “Mien Kampf” This makes it a poor religion because it shows your deteriorating faith in believing the unproven and thus is wrong because we just know it is.
    Isn’t it obvious that you are wrong because your beliefs follow someone that flooded the whole earth killing all the- wait, he gassed them? (Ah fuck the facts no creationist bothers to talk about them. Such a waste of time) Because look, we won’t start invading Jerusalem like Hitler did, (ignore the wrong facts, its the belief not the factual accuracy of the evidence that matters), but it doesn’t matter because you believe in something called atoms and molecules that is utter rubbish because I can’t see it (because don’t bother, seeing and learning science is as evil as gaining knowledge about good and evil by eating an apple. ooc(perhaps that’s why creationists ignore science?))(ok just got an atheist to help me organize those nested brackets)

    Let’s all dive into a magical fantasy where cans of peanut butter evolve to animals, humans can be born from petri dishes of E.coli, radiation decays faster in the lab, Rainbows commemorate the death of millions and the banana and apple were made just for us.(And conveniently we were told not to eat it.)
    Also, the devil must have made the pineapple, because its so hard to peel. But that’s expected of some evil tard that didn’t take the initiative to kill millions of sinners, curse every first born son in egypt, or get someone to bring tablets up onto a mountain so people can learn that killing is wrong and then get the levites to kill 3000 Israelites who were thankful to their source of food.

    Well, at least neither of them spilled the beans on how “the earth is round” through the apple or the book. But then again that’s less important than knowing that a basket of bread can feed 5000 people, and the latter information was obviously more important than saving people countless months of exploring the earth in fear of reaching the edge.

    “Atheism is a evil religion. Hitler was an atheist. I’m not going to believe in someone who draws their beliefs from Mein Kampf”

    Thank you creationists for giving me a good laugh all these days.
    ooc(I know how retarded these creationists can be, but then again I won’t get angry at a clown for doing retarded things. And before Poe’s law comes to effect, I’ll make it clear that i’m being SARCASTIC, so please, no “YAY A CREAWTIONIS AGWEES WIF MEEE!!!” responses. Thanks.)

    Reply
  2. This. Just all of this. I believe in every word of that rant. I don’t think it’s possible that it could be said any better than that. The unwarranted arrogance and pseudoscience of creationists is almost enough to literally drive me to vomit. I often hear/read about them trying to discredit irrefutable science and fact by introducing their own ridiculous “scientific fact”. No. You dont get the right to reject most, if not all, data consistent with our observable universe, and then pick and choose which concepts fit into your belief to then turn around and discredit those same sciences. The audacity is insulting to anyone with even a room temperature IQ. Anywho, couldn’t possibly agree more, thank you for an intensely satisfying read.

    Reply
  3. well. i totally agree with you. i’m from India and i was lucky to never heAR of “creationism” till i came on the internet. my first reaction was what the fuck is this shit.i was raised in a religious family and i’m a hindu(i’m proud of it).i’m glad many of the things in our religion are based on science and not stupid beliefs.well,yes in every religion there are far fetched tales,but as far as i know some christians are the only ones to abhor science(but no creationists in india i’m glad)
    .some stupid fuck ,around 35 was telling that there was no way to prove the age of fossils by carbon dating. i was like” i’m in fucking high school and i know the rudimentary calculations for the decay equations for radioactive nuclei and you even doubt isotope dating.and mountains forming in the blink of an eye.?? let us look at it scientifically. the amount of power (not work,power) required?? the exact amount of fields and forces in other places to prevent destabilisation. and i’m pretty sure some particles would have to travel faster than light for that to happen so quickly.the amount of heat generated.sufficient for nuclear fusion and fission which would destroy the whole mountain. okay lets assume it appeared out of thin air. conversion of energy into matter?? how complex the mechanisms have to be?? or using teleportation or some form of quantum entanglement?? or somehow negating the effect of the higgs boson?? (excuse me if many of these are shockingly wrong.i’m still in high school).in any of the multiple histories that exist(if this theory is correct) the probability is extremely low i.e. almost impossible. this discussion above was actually pointless because the rated of formation,age of layers has validated everything.how can someone not beleive in evolution. iits absurd. there’s nothing with genetic engg. as well. i beleive in beings more developed than us,maybe even supernatural,but what we do with our lives is upto us.and what we know and are capable of doing depends on science.i also beleive our intelligence is not a result of very complex chemical equations. i believe we are beings, capable of existing outside our bodies and existing in a different dimension.but there will be science behind it.to someone who reads all the stuff current physicists are working on.,if you are new to science it will seem more marvellous than the miracles in your bible.yet all of them will be understadable(to an extent).
    you don’t have to be an atheist to beleive in science. your beleifs don’t matter, because it is SCIENCE .
    -ARJUn
    (@author i admire people with doctorates.but i want to be an engineer .cheers)

    Reply
  4. Somehow, somewhere… there’s always someone playing the NOMA dude. It’s the first thing I saw when I scrolled down to comments. Meh. Anyways. Great rant… I felt very much in agreement with it lol.

    Reply
  5. The trouble with this is – he’s arguing against the entire concept of divine creation as though the only definition of a “creationist” was the most ignorant, ill-informed Mormon weirdo you can imagine. Which is firstly – absurdly condescending.. and secondly ridiculously Eurocentric.

    The vast majority of humans on the face of the Earth who believe in the concept of divine creation are not Christian at all.. yet here he is arguing Science vs. the most literal interpretation of the King James translation of the book of Genesis.. which is, btw, MUCH more literal than the way most Theological scholars interpret it.

    I think this article and the comment section here are very telling of the average white American atheists world view – arrogant, self righteous and ignorant.

    Reply
    • “A 2012 Gallup survey reports that 46% of Americans believe in the creationist view that God created humans in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years, a statistic which has remained essentially the same since 1982″

      -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_Earth_creationism

      This rant applies to the beliefs of almost half of Americans; while you are absolutely correct that “creationism” is an umbrella term that covers many more views, young earth creationism is rampant in America, and that’s what the author was ranting about.

      Reply
    • Your first paragraph: equivocation. Look it up. If I meant theological evolution, old earth creationism or metaphorical interpretations, I would have said so. (Also, last I checked, none of the YEC beliefs alluded to here were associated with the LDS)

      Second paragraph: at no point does this argue against christianity nor any other religion, general or specific. If you want me riffing on gods or religions in general, it’s out there somewhere, finding it is an exercise left to the reader. 2 in 5 Americans believe literal YEC, another significant chunk – which applies more cross-nationally – believe in some sort of supernaturally influenced process. The implication that this is a fringe belief is erroneous. You’re also factually incorrect about other religions: of the major sects, only Christianity’s fundamentalism mandates a young earth. Islam and Hinduism do not, although they reject evolution by natural selection in many cases, their respective creation myths are compatible (for a certain value of “compatible”) with known science (which leads to it’s own problems where the likes of Harun Yahya claim that the Koran predicts the big bang, when it does no such thing, but that’s tangential).

      Third paragraph: I’m not American.

      Reply
  6. This is fabulous. I am constantly dumbfounded by the fact that in this day and age we actually have to have these arguments

    Reply
  7. This was a funny rant and I can understand how pinned up frustration builds up. I firmly believe that a debate with a creationist can be described with this quote ” You should never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes time and annoys the pig.”

    Reply
  8. Pingback: Creationists… Attttteeeeention! | South African Atheists

  9. it’s 2013, with everything available to us, the technology, the research, the proof (not that it needed much to humiliate creationism) but with everything we see with our very eyes, our highly evolved minds, how has creationsm founds it’s way this far..?

    it’s so comforting to read that there are others that think the same way as yourself, it’s like you’ve found your way home to your real family,.

    The hordes of superstitous – dribbling – sniveling – devout zombies, can fuck off back to the holy land and resume their fav position…on their knees.

    Enjoy judgement day mother fuckers, I’m sure you’ll all enjoy reuniting with your incestual parents again.

    Reply
  10. To all you creationists out there, let me PROVE to you The Big Bang Theory and Biological Evolution using your own methodology:
    Creationism is inconsistent, self contradictoy and has huge gaps in its evidence (in fact, none whatsoever excepting hear say). Therefore, as the creationist argument is undeniaably wrong, Big Bang and Evolution must be correct.
    QED

    How dumb can an otherwise intelligent person be, than to believe that the Universe and Life arose as part of a magic act?

    Reply
    • Big Bang has not been proven but, theoretically, it is the best hypotheses to date.
      There is a small gap in the theory, about 3 seconds worth, we are expected to believe that the laws of physics did not apply! Apart from that I always like to debate religion with anyone. My favourite question is, “so which god is yours?”.

      Reply
  11. love it. people need to wake up from superstitious cave dweller and goat f***er nonsense. christians don’t even obey their babble, er, sorry, I mean bible and murder everyone who works on the sabbath. they pick and choose which parts of the babble “justify” their hatred.

    The real story of noah’s ark? It rained two inches one day, someone’s cave got flooded, and someone else put their dog and their cat in a rowboat.

    Reply
    • Quite possibly one of the most ignorant comments about the bible I have ever heard! In fact you win for sure !
      The rowboat comment yeah that’s pretty smart, if you don’t believe in Jesus cool it’s on you but for you to simply have no clue whatsoever about real facts and absolute proven points and facts that have happened throughout time is just plain obsurd!
      Remember hell isn’t for everyone but heaven was designed to be!

      Reply
      • Why is an atheist required to read and fully understand the Bible, and report it with fully-serious accuracy, while someone like you can supposedly get away without ever reading a biology textbook, an evolutionary biology or genetics paper, or even a single study on the actual uses of hemp in cancer treatment?

        You have no business in calling someone else ignorant until you can address your own multiple flaws.

        Reply
      • It’s not a commentary on the bible, it’s a commentary on the stupidity of persons who claim a mythological storybook is actually evidence supporting their anti-science argumments.
        Simple fact is: Creationists have ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE to support their riduculous assertions, yet believe that invalidating someone elses argument somehow is PROOF their own absurd claims.
        Yet here you are still talking about facts, when in fact, you have no factual evidence whatsoever in support of creation. Remember, hear say stories don’t count as evidence and neither does pointing out a small weakness in another’s argument conclusively prove that any counter claim, no matter how absurd, is therfore, by default, actually factual.

        Reply
  12. I’m sorry, but I have to agree with this completely. If you reject a scientific theory with over a century of research that has yet to be falsified, that has countless generations of -physical- evidence supporting it, and believe that the universe was designed despite no possible way of even suggesting that with physical evidence, you are an idiot. Even if you think that creationism and evolution are on par with each other in terms of credibility, you are a complete idiot. You are too arrogant to let go of your, for all assumptive purposes, nonexistent god and accept what scientists have worked for so long to actually explain our world.

    Reply
    • Wow !
      For one to deny that there is a creator of all of this is pretty ignorant! To think that there was a Big Bang and we all appeared wow! And people actually get paid to study this? Sounds about like the people(scientists) that study cures for cancer but yet after 100s of billions of dollars and big pharma pills still nothing!
      Wow!
      Amazing how simple plants and essential oil from the plants that God created cure everything!
      Amazing that hemp can cure cancer by simply applying it to areas and then inhaling as well!
      Amazing that the oil lemon is being diffused in nursing homes all Over and calming the elderly! Amazing that in Europe lemon and thieves oil is used exclusively in hospitals where Americans would use bleach! Hmmm
      And no scientist created these!
      There were scientist however that developed the tools and distillers to get the oil and to put it into proper form!
      So for one to think or assume that scientists created the earth and or have found that factually speaking there is no creator would be foolish!

      Reply
          • Creationists are just sophists – bla bla bla, no facts, no arguments, just logical traps, like “all things that you don’t know about the world are created by god”. Mankind history is process of science victories over stupid region. It’s because people are getting smart. Religion is a brain replacement for stupid people

      • Amazing how simple plants (actually as genetically sophisticateed as a creationist) could EVOLVE their own defences to parasites and bacteria. Amazing how someone actually thinks that because we can find something in nature that’s useful to us that some invisible magicician must have put it there just for us.
        We only find phytochemicals useful to us because our biochemistry is so similar to all living things on the planet, ie. we EVOLVED from common ancestral forms.

        Reply
      • William Douglas would also deny that the Earth orbits the Sun, that the Earth is not flat and that you won’t fall off of the edge of the World if you travel too far.

        Reply
  13. Love. Friend sent it to me. Reposted on facebook (my own page and that of the FFRF) and on a secular board I’m on. Going to link to it next idiot creotard I see.

    Reply
  14. Wonderful post! Finding this made my day, I couldn’t agree more. As someone working towards a degree in evolutionary biology stuck in a very religious community, I am constantly dealing with dumbass comments, objections and arguments from co-workers and acquaintances . My favorite being “well if that’s true how come I don’t see no fossils of half-frog half-lizards or no cat-dogs runnin’ ’round?!” wtf?! Seriously? Can these people hear the words that are coming out of their mouths? It’s takes all me restraint not to walk around and constantly bitch-slap people.

    Reply
  15. Just my quick two-cents (non-believers just suspend your disbelief a little); ‘What would would Jesus do’ if he were reading this?

    I think he’d pat the OP on their back, say ‘Well done my good and faithful servant’, and begin flipping tables right alongside them.

    Reply
  16. I just dealt with an idiot who bold faced claimed that geological column doesn’t exist anywhere.
    Yeah maybe not one piece.
    And every Google search I did just pointed me to creatard websites. Eventually I said “Screw it.” avoided the headache and just blocked him.

    Reply
  17. Can I just say thank you for violently agreeing and putting into beautifully cogent words what I have thought secretly about anyone who claims to be a scientist, but also that they believe in creationism? THE TWO ARE MUTUALLY FUCKING EXCLUSIVE BY DEFINITION, TO BELIEVE IN CREATIONISM IS TO AUTOMATICALLY REJECT ANY EVIDENCE THAT DOES NOT AGREE WITH YOUR PRECONCIEVED “TRUE BELIEF”, THAT IS THE FUCKING FUNDAMENTAL OPPOSITE OF SCIENCE.

    Thanks.

    Thanks for getting angry for me.

    Reply
  18. May I jump in here and make comment?

    Exoplanet research is still a relatively new branch of astronomical science. When I first started studying astronomy in the mid 80′s it was thought that SOME stars might have planets. We now think that SOME stars might NOT have planets!

    There are currently only TWO real ways we can detect exoplanets. We can detect the reduction in brightness of the star as the planet passes in front of it, or we can detect the “wobble” the gravitational attraction has on the star. Planets with more eccentric (non-round) orbits also generate more wobble. The sophistication of observational equipment and techniques is increasing all the time, but at present, it is only possible to detect large planets passing close to their parent star, as these have the greatest effect on its movement or brightness. As techniques and instrumentation improve, the masses and distances of the planets we can detect change, and we will soon be able to detect Earth-like planets at greater distances from their star.

    Only recently have we been able to actually detect an exoplanet optically. That is, to capture light directly from the planet itself. With larger telescopes like the James Webb Space Telescope; Hubble’s bigger and better replacement, we will be able to see more of these exoplanets and analyse the light coming from them to investigate their atmospheres.

    You (John Urbanowicz) said, “Tricastlgs05, if you really ARE for real, here’s some current information for you. The more and more we learn about other planets, what we continue to find out about their orbits around their stars is that they are ALL extremely volatile. That is the steadfast rule of orbits in general throughout the universe.”

    That’s just plainly WRONG! The orbits of ALL the planets in our solar system are very stable (well, with the possible exception of Mercury’s little dancing orbit!). The orbits of exoplanets are harder to determine, but the data is skewed. Detection of more eccentric orbits is easier and the percentage of planets detected with eccentric orbits would be higher.

    You then said, “What we’ve got going on in our little solar-system and goldilocks-zone is the extreme exception to that rule.”

    You’ve no basis on which to make that claim. It’s like sampling sand grains off a beach with a sieve, and claiming all the sand in the world is different because it has finer grains. You just haven’t picked out a good enough sample to make such a general statement.

    Please note, these points are not an attack on you personally, but counterpoint to your arguments as presented.

    Reply
  19. Delightful read. I do believe that within the universe, the exact same “life zone”, the correct place for a planet to orbits it’s own star, will be happening somewhere. No one can prove otherwise. Brian Cox is my God.

    Reply
  20. Thank you very much for this amazingly intelligent, and explosive deconstruction of idiocy in action. It was great. U r like a Gawd to me.

    Reply
  21. “…and natural selection doesn’t mean bacteria turning into chickens in a Petri dish overnight so that Hitler could kill Jews.”

    I managed to only grin until I got here – at which point I cracked up laughing. The entirety of organized religion is extremely scary, isn’t it? I know of a woman who had several children – all – ALL – of whom had one of two health problems which would not mix well. (One which requires multiple surgeries, and one which creates excessive scar tissue after any surgery.)

    So after six kids, she finally manages to have one with both issues – plus an entire medical textbook of other issues. The child is terminal – he *will* die at a young age of a horrible death. She “doesn’t know why it happened” but “does know it’s God’s will” and that “he was made prefectly according to His will, to live as long as it takes to fulfill His plan.” I could go on, but thinking about it makes me angry. She loves her children – but why would any thinking being, seeing that every child she has, is born with A or B, continue to have children – knowing that AB would be a very bad thing?

    (There I go, expecting logic. Whoops.)

    Anyways. I sincerely hope that you feel better now, having gotten that off your chest. T’was quite amusing. May I quote you?

    Reply
    • Hi Julie,

      You ask the question: why would this woman continue to have children? Because she continues to get pregnant.

      Your “anger” about her situation is a perfect monument to atheistic hypocrisy. And I salute you for it.

      Surely you can’t be suggesting that she should refrain from fucking so much? Or are you suggesting exactly that? If so, that would qualify as outright fundamentalist morality — the very type of morality that someone who was a member of an organized religion would be trying to cram down somebody else’s throat.

      Actually, it sounds very much like you’re trying to tell the woman how she should live her life, and passing judgment on whether the quality of her children’s lives merits them even having a life to begin with. All of that also speaks volumes to the self-promoting premise that you have some sort of God-given handle on morality — the exact type of morality that someone who was a member of an organized religion would be trying to cram down somebody else’s throat.

      What would your Atheistic counseling have been to the woman had you had her ear all the while? Here’s the highest probability in my estimation. As she continued to get pregnant, can we assume your advice to her would have been that she should have aborted each of her children? I mean, it’s obvious you could care a less about her kids. They are nothing more to you than fodder for your argument. I say it’s obvious since you go from “cracking up laughing” to immediately talking about them.

      May I quote you?

      Whoops. There you go, expecting logic.

      Reply
      • …wow.

        I don’t think I’ve ever been so misquoted in my entire life. Or perhaps I should say willfully misunderstood. Impressive!

        It’s early, so I’ll touch on only a few points and leave the rest for later.

        First: Intelligent people know that you can enjoy a good fuck and if not “not procreate”, then at least run a very low risk of procreating. That’s a given. Judging by the number of unplanned pregnancies, one might think the majority of the populace didn’t know that, but that’s another issue.

        Your assumption that I am “pro-choice” amuses me. I don’t know if I could have an abortion – I very seriously doubt it. But that’s not really important. The colloqial definItion of insanity is to repeat the same action and expect a different result. Accordingly, I would have counseled her to take steps to prevent pregnancy, had the situation arisen.

        There is more, but I’m tired and need my medication before I’ll be up for playing with you again. I’ll simply say this: if I didn’t care about her children, why would I know so much about them? I do care – it simply angers me that unlike many cases, the suffering could have been prevented – esp. when the odds were so high that this would happen.

        I’m sure, being half-awake, that I’ve forgotten things. Like I said; I’ll ferret them out later. But what really came to mind reading your post is this:

        You’re telling the story, pal.

        Reply
        • Julie,
          I have not misquoted you or misunderstood you. You’ve got a moral problem, STRICKLY based upon YOUR faith, with the decisions this woman has made concerning her life and her children. Her life. Her children.

          Your stand on the abortion issue — “pro-choice” or “pro-life” — is not the point. In THIS case, you have made it very clear that the world and these children born to this woman would be much better off had they never been born at all. Again, you state, you would have counseled her to take steps to prevent these pregnancies. And again, I state, this is HER life. HER children. HER faith.

          Indeed, YOU will have suffering and pain in YOUR life as well. Everyone has their share. Consider this: your mother could have spared you from ALL of your “unnecessary suffering” had she simply prevented the pregnancy that was YOU.

          You are using this woman’s story as a case-and-point to support and encourage a belief system that is totally destitute, and totally revels in that destitution. You list the colloquial definition of insanity as repeating the same action and expecting a different result. For the Atheist, ALL actions ultimately lead to the SAME result — NOTHING. So how can you justify the faith of the Atheist as being superior in terms of “sanity” to that of this woman’s faith which you question?

          I don’t mean to pick on you personally. I am simply taking issue with ALL postings on this blog that encourage and celebrate the hypocritical and, quite frankly, dumb-ass rant which started this blog.

          In all fairness, you may not be aware of the devastating answer to that rant which was delivered in the exact same humorous language as the rant itself. Be fairly warned: the humor in my retorting post may grind like salt in a belly-wound instead of generating those wonderful belly-laughs IF you ARE INDEED a card-carrying Atheist — and IF you actually take that belief-system seriously. (See? I’m not presuming that you actualy ARE a full-blown Atheist.) You can find that answer posted merely a few posts upward. It has been up for months, and there is still NO ANSWER to it. Well… no answer of any substance. “Ihommealenvers” did take issue with the penis comments.

          So… before you start slapping dip-shit on the back for such a job well done…

          i.e. “May I quote you?” or “May I have your baby?” (Yes, some total dumb-fuck actually wanted to have this GUY’S baby because of the rant and/or impregnate HER with a baby — the sex of the ranter had yet to be established)

          …check out the other side of the rant and FIRST give pertinent answers to the points that take down the very rant which you are so cheerfully supporting. Ignorantly supporting, may I add, should you simply refuse to read the response.

          Reply
          • Thank you, Armond,

            High praise from the one who has so much to say. What a nice, diplomatic way of admitting that you have no answer.

      • A normal person would get her tubes tied after the second or third child. A woman’s right to have children should not be more important than the quality of life those children will have. Your assertions are no different to those of a bleeding heart who thinks children are better off with their biological parents regardless of the lifestyle (drug addictions, physical & sexual abuse, etc).

        And if I had her eat I would tell her to have whatever tests she needs to have & if they are positive then abort abort abort!

        Reply
  22. Nicely done.

    Only one major fucking problem.

    You’re totally fucked-up understanding of your Creator (which is zero) is totally based upon tearing down somebody else’s totally fucked up belief-system based upon somebody else’s dogma that was taught to whoever taught them, and whoever taught them, and originates all the way back to somebody else’s impression of your Creator, which they tried their very best to make sense of and express from a world view that was going on around 2,000 to 3,600 years ago.

    For my money, those guys did a pretty fucking outstanding job of expressing their understanding of your Creator way back then — especially when you consider (CAN you consider?) that they were living in times when civilization (including your science community) understood that the earth was flat: the Greeks continued to follow that line of thinking until the 4th century BC, the Bronze Age and Iron Age civilizations of the Near East until the 1st century BC, India until the 4th century AD and China believed in the Flat Earth model until the 17th century.

    These Old Testament writers were actually pretty fucking brilliant guys; some of them completely off the fucking charts, such as Ezekiel. As in, blowing Einstein away. Actually, Ezekiel is the “bug” in all of their ears — Einstein, Kepler, Newton.

    That’s right, you stupid fuck. Shake your head and laugh… and prove what a total fucking moron you actually are.

    It stings a little bit, doesn’t it? To be looked at as a total fucking moron by genius-class intellect. That’s right, bud (or babe). You’re a deer caught in the headlights compared to me. With your 400 page thesis in one hand, your two inch dick (or clit) in the other (that’s why you need a 12 inch dildo on your head — actually, your head IS the 12 inch dildo) and the PHD you wear around your neck like an Olympic gold medal. You don’t quite stack up, pal (or gal). And compared to Ezekiel? You have the IQ of a fucking cockroach. By your own assessment of I.Q. tests, you said, “(I dunno, actually, last time I took one I was 15).” Naw… I don’t think you scored that high. Don’t be too hard on yourself, allow me to do it for you. You’re so clueless, how could you have guessed it? A Neo-Babylonian sixth-century BC prophet is the four and a half foot guy who is the mathematical genius behind the unlocking of all the mysteries of time and space and their relationship to each other. He’s into stuff that our smartest guys at NASA can only dream of at this point in time.

    You won’t find that info in the Bible or read about it in a fucking establishment approved textbook, shit-head. In order to know that, you would have to know your Creator. And you don’t.

    You have no fucking clue about your Creator. No clue whatsoever — that’s the total hypocrisy of you and what you stand for. You consider yourself to be so fucking brilliant. (LMAO!) That truly is the funniest part of your rant.

    You’ve made a lifelong decision about your Creator based upon what morons have to say about your Creator. Fundamentalist-Morons who put a book they like to call “the holy Bible” ABOVE your Creator.

    Ninety-five percent of both Fundamentalist Christian and Atheist ideology is based upon abject error. “Abject.” It means “utter.” No— not the science-textbook-TITS under the establishment-cow from which you suck your milk from; not that kind of “utter.” “Abject.” As in “abject poverty”: the actual condition of your brain in terms of all the knowledge you possess about your Creator.

    That’s a fact. Atheists base their disbeliefs on specifics — the very specifics of a subject that Fundamentalist Christians are almost totally wrong about. I don’t mean to specifically pick on Atheists and Fundamentalist Christians; but it’s the truth: Atheism is actually an offshoot of Christianity.

    Somehow, Christians have convinced the world (including stupid fucks like you) that they have some sort of monopoly on Jesus of Nazareth. You know what? Is it even possible for ME to clue you in? They don’t. But you — total fucking dumb-ass that you are — have bought into the idea that Christians have some sort of handle on who Jesus is and what he’s all about. Same fuck-up that has led you down the Garden Path when it comes to your Creator: you’ve based your entire assessment of “Jesus” on what morons have to say about him — morons who have totally fucked the name of Jesus worse than a monorail train going up your ass.

    (Owwwooooch! That is one hell of a fucking, now isn’t it?)

    You’ve learned well from your moron teachers. No, they’re not your adversaries. Nor are they the stupid-fucks that make you beat your chest when you bludgeon them to death in moronic debate.

    As far as “they’re,” “their” and “there” is concerned:

    “they’re” YOUR professors when it comes to your Creator

    and you’re “their” avid student.

    “There” you have it.

    And so… you have total faith in the idea that you can prove that your Creator is a figment of these moron’s imaginations, and Jesus is a myth not unlike Horas the Egyptian falcon-god, right?

    You’ve built the entire foundation of your house upon such reject rotten timbers such as these and pounded them into nothing but dry sand. And up you go with your lopsided skyscraper. Adding shit. And more shit. Upon nothing but shit.

    You are a close-minded fuck who has locked the door and thrown away the key. You’re not just merely ignorant about your Creator; hey, you know what? YOU said it best: “No, this is something fucking different, far fucking worse. What you stand not only accused of, but (are) proven guilty of, shits and pisses (and vomits and shoots-off) all over the innocent (face) of ignorance and goes into dark territory of deceit and lies. This is wilful (willful: 2 L’s, dumb-ass) ignorance. This is prideful ignorance. You take your ignorance and wave it around at every opportunity to say “hey, look at me, I’m so fucking stupid” and expect people to respect you for it.”

    And people DO respect you for it. Similarly stupid people (there’s plenty of them) — likeminded as you — respect the fuck out of you for it. They’re translating it into Polish out of respect for you. They want to have your fucking baby out of respect for you; or have deep, meaningful sex with you and give you a fucking baby out of respect for you; it matters not what sex you actually are, or they. We have the technology nowadays to make-a-fucking-baby-out-of-respect-for-you with he/he and she/she combos.

    Technology’s come a long way, baby, but here’s a little free fucking advice that you are way too fucking ignorant to know what to do with: don’t believe everything you read in textbooks.

    You can take this to the bank (no pun intended): It’s all about the money, honey, not necessarily the truth.

    There actually IS a lot of money in treating you ignorant fucks like mushrooms. You know? Keeping you in the dark and feeding you shit.

    There’s A LOT of money in allowing you to think that you’re no more than an insignificant collection of hydrogen that accidentally turned itself into a talking monkey.

    And damn! Just LISTEN to this talking monkey, will you! Have you even heard yourself? “I can write, I can draw, I can play and compose music, and I can program a computer to do a little jig.” Well, hooray for you sister sunshine. What the fuck difference does it make?

    Since you came from Nothing and will return to Nothing? Correct?

    You write: “In terms of intelligence and knowledge you’re fucking scum rotting at the bottom of a dark and forgotten barrel while I’m basking in the sun.” Really? What difference does it make to YOU — this “great” individual?

    You’re basking in the sun for a microsecond. The universe is going by so fast, it’s already over for you and everyone who knows you. By your own philosophy: you CAME from fucking scum rotting at the bottom of a dark and forgotten barrel — and — like a fart in the wind — you will go BACK to fucking scum rotting at the bottom of a dark and forgotten barrel. Correct?

    That’s YOUR philosophy, theology and belief-system all wrapped up in a sailor’s knot, isn’t it?

    So what the fuck difference does it make WHAT the fuck you can or can’t do, who you ARE as an “individual” or HOW smart you think you are?

    Oh, it’s all about civilization. We create meaning. It is the most important thing we do. Yes we create tools. Yes, we gather knowledge. Yes, we do math and music and so on…

    Yeah— so did the Roman-colony. And the Mayan-colony. There are old decrepit anthills all around you, dissolving in the wind as we speak. And there are so many threats waiting to stomp out YOUR anthill, you can’t even name them all. So don’t get fucking hypocritical to your cause, cherry. You’re blaspheming your cause if you pretend that the colony itself is significant. What could possibly be significant about a colony of creative apes that are nothing more than a hydrogen-based accident that’s eventually gonna fall away into nothingness?

    So get with the program, oh great honorable doctor of Atheism. If you wanna talk the talk. Walk the fucking walk. Not anything at all should really matter to you as an individual ape.

    You’re a talking fucking monkey that… how did you put it? “knows the difference between “there”, “their” and “they’re” – and fuck knows that’s a rare skill.”

    I dig the fact that your rant is filled with significance. But REALLY?

    Significance?

    That’s actually Atheistic blasphemy.

    How can “significance” come from nothing and end up as nothing?

    What’s significant about that?

    The “now”?

    “Now” just left us, fuck-brain. And again. And again. It’s yet another second PAST “now,” dumb-ass.

    You write, “I’m even nice on occasion and, if I try, even likeable.”

    I know we’re getting into some really dicey territory here, but can I ask you a personal question? Do people love you? And do you love others? Okay, I apologize. I’ll rephrase out of respect to your beliefs: do people chemically react to you? And do you chemically react to others? Is that better? I wouldn’t want to offend your faith any more than I possible have to.

    Oh, fuck it, I just can’t resist it. Because your faith is just as absolutely stupid, moronic, shallow, silly, imbecilic, irrational, feeble-minded (did I say idiotic? No I didn’t, but I think I should) and most certainly as idiotic as someone who believes that the world is 6000 years old.

    You don’t know how it all actually started but, basically, somehow, you came from nothing, and nothing somehow turned itself into hydrogen? Am I correct thus far? Is that Chapter one verse one of your book of Genesis?

    This amazingly magical hydrogen jumped through all the circus hoops and went on to accidentally create cells that are actually more complicated than fucking galaxies. And yes folks, this magical gas even created DNA. Fuck the obvious questions like, “Where did the information in the cells come from?” Starting from scratch, “How would the ‘organic soup’ even know where it was going?”

    I agree, fuck all that. Your faith is not worth THAT MUCH of a waste of time. So let’s just cut to the chase. There is simply no way that chance, clay, “organic soup,” or natural selection could invent the chemical code of a first cell, and use it to write information instructing the cell to make just the right proteins, fold them properly, and send each one to the only place in the cell where it will fit.

    The DNA of a bacterium contains as much information as a 1000 page book (that’s 600 more pages than your fucking dissertation. And, certainly, that must mean bacteria is 150% smarter than you. Or, at the very least, the hydrogen that created the strain. Ouch— but that’s just ONE STRAIN of bacterium.)

    You call stories of Noah and Moses bullshit? These stories are shown LIVE on the 11 O’clock News in comparison to the folklore that YOU’RE forwarding out as “reality.” Lightning passing through extremely particular atmospheres to produce amino acids? Comets bringing most of the water to planet Earth? What the flying FUCK have the people who wrote YOUR Bible been smoking?

    Who the fuck knows, but when the pipe came YOUR way, you must have took a ghost hit off of that mother-fucker — “ghost hit”: that’s where you hold the smoke in your lungs so long that, when you exhale, nothing comes out. But, hell, you knew that.

    And yet you’re telling the fucking Fundamentalists that “there are actually people with more coherent and rational beliefs in their head being secured in mental health wards”? Holy shit. Talk about pots and kettles.

    Let’s turn our heads for a moment and ignore a few deal-breaking scientific facts: a protein (a real one, not a synthetic one) cannot come into existence without the existence of other proteins. Oops. Time to change the textbooks. It’s RNA rather than proteins that formed life: and… uh… RNA later catalyzed the formation of proteins… yeah… THAT’S the ticket.

    Okay. Now all you gotta do is create RNA.

    Back to the super-computers for another 30 years or more (definitely “more”).

    You’re gonna have to come up with SOMETHING new, because even one protein by itself cannot “self-create.” Genome research has revealed that the lowest number of proteins required for life is between 250 and 450. That’s just parasitic life. The minimum number of proteins needed in order for an organism to live independently of another organism is around 1500.

    This is not the eighteen-hundreds. This is the twenty-first century. If you want to be an evolutionist (and at the same time a scientist) TODAY, you have to account for the separate existence of 1500 different proteins simultaneously coming into self-creation in order to give rise to the forming of just one single functioning cell.

    The smartest of our super-smart creative ape scientists don’t even know where to begin, because not even ONE natural protein in this thing called “life” can be evolutionarily accounted for. They’ve had their super-computers dancing to this tune for over 30 years now. And no matter what bullshit they might write down in the textbooks (for chimps like you to swallow down like chocolate-covered bananas), hydrogen cannot make a protein, not in 13.77 billion years… times ten to the infinite power.

    I’m exaggerating of course.

    In cold, numeric Las Vegas odds — the probability of 1500 proteins simultaneously coming into existence to form ONE INDEPENDANT CELL would factor out at around one chance in 10 to the 112,500 power. Just in case you’re as stupid as you fucking look standing on your two inch thesis with your PHD hanging around your dork-fucked neck, that’s a ten (10) with more than a hundred-thousand zeros behind it.

    To put that monstrous number in perspective, the TOTAL NUMBER OF ATOMS in the entire universe is estimated to be 10 to the 78 power.

    Man, that sure must of been SOME fucking accident. A gas accident.

    Kind-a makes ya wonder, now, don’t it?

    It makes ME wonder how many universes I create every time I fart. (Leading to methane-based creative monkeys instead of hydrogen-based ones of course.) Sorry, I know that’s bordering on blasphemy.

    Oh— that IS blasphemy. Double-sorry.

    Then… there’s this real simple force in the universe called gravity.

    Only… when it comes right down to it… it’s not really so fucking simple after all, now, is it?

    Einstein barely understood a mere fraction of how it actually works.

    But the magical hydrogen knows all the secrets of gravity. Right? It has to. Because everything came from hydrogen… correct?

    Is that what you tell your students when they ask you: “Oh professor, could you teach us where the force of gravity actually comes from?”

    …and… “Oh professor, could you at least teach us exactly what gravity actually IS?”

    By your own confirmation, you’re one of the ones who “teach the next generation.” You “actively pass on knowledge, whether established or ‘cutting edge,’ to students who one day will grow up to be the next me” meaning: the next you.

    God fucking help us.

    Do you fill a balloon with hydrogen, stand on your two inch thick dissertation at the front of the class with your PHD hanging about belly-button length and quack: “Honestly, no human being knows the answer to those gravity questions YET… BUT… the gas in this balloon knows. It knows ALL the secrets of the universe. It has to. Because everything in the universe, including gravity, came from it.” ?? Is that what you quack to our youth who are looking to you for answers? You mind-and-soul-perverting sack-of-fucking-shit?

    Your premises are not observable, testable, or repeatable. And so… by all definition of what has traditionally been accepted as reputable science, it is NOT science.

    Public schoolbooks should not teach it as science.

    It has infected our science, as have you, since you are indeed an integral part of this well-established infection.

    Fundamentalist Christians… and Atheists. The Pots… and the Kettles. What you write about the other morons applies perfectly to yourself: “You’re proud of being stupid, you actively refuse to learn, you don’t examine anything critically, you fall for any piece of shit ‘evidence’ your masters tell you. You don’t question them. You don’t realise (by the way, it’s spelled “realize,” you fucking moron) they’re just out there wanting to keep you stupid, keep you ignorant and keep you not wanting to learn about the universe from sources that actually took the time to look at the universe. They want to keep you that way because you buy into their shit.”

    YOU are what YOU tamely refer to as: “One Of Us.” …and: “A cog in that machine, and damn well proud of it.”

    You are part of a plague. Nothing more than mind-and-soul-perverting nonsense.

    Gravity has a little something to do with our orbit around the Sun. So does the fact that our planet is traveling through space at around 67,000 miles per hour. Any lesser speed and we fall into the Sun, any greater speed and we fly off into deep space. A fraction in we burn up, a fraction out we’re a snowball.

    Do you even have any idea what we are finding out about orbits these days as we discover more and more about planets?

    It’s a volatile universe out there, fuck-head. To put it as simply as I can, so even a PHD can understand it, what we got going on here (in our tiny cosmic neighborhood) is a very special thing. SO special, that the universe, by itself, simply cannot reproduce it. Not in a million years. Not in 13.8 billion years.

    Who would you trust to put the balance merely between the Earth and the Sun into motion? A scientist? Someone else with a PHD? How about an MD? Since your life depends upon it.

    You believe in the medical profession, don’t you?

    If you had terminal cancer, let me guess: you would use “science” to address the situation. You would allow doctors to have at you with everything from chemotherapy to stem cell replacements — treatments that doctors 500 years from now will look upon as barbaric and as hit/miss as Dwale (a crude anesthetic that did a great job of relieving pain, because it usually induced death), clysters (you don’t even want to know what they were) and bloodletting.

    If your terminal cancer didn’t un-miraculously fall into the statistical percentage of “lucky-remission,” you would then consult a mind-priest (a psychiatrist or, at least, one of their scribes) for instruction on how to go through a number of psychological stages (is that a twelve-step thingie?) ending with “acceptance.” You would choose to embrace your own individual death, and maybe even convince yourself to be proud of yourself for doing so.

    Life is hard.

    Death is easy.

    When it’s finally staring you square in the face, you may even look forward to nothingness. Easy come easy go — well, easier at least, as long as you go with your morphine drip.

    Ultimately, your “truth”… seriously, YOUR truth as an individual… can only be expressed in one simple fact: you believe in Nothing.

    You believe in God whether you realize it or not.

    Not the Living God of Light. Rather the Dying God of Darkness.

    No, that’s not an “evil” versus “good” thing. Don’t get in a twist, you fucking idiot. The Dying God of Darkness is a divine way of saying that you believe in Nothing. You do, don’t you?

    Thank you for playing and for being so honest.

    From Nothing you came and to Nothing you go.

    And now, for the “critique” portion of this tour of delights…

    Here’s mine: Yep. This guy/gal is REALLY something to celebrate. Have his baby or impregnate her with one; whichever applies once you seductively unhook the PHD from around it’s neck and undress it.

    Pop the champagne! Fill up your glasses! Cheers to the dumb-fuck whose looking forward to absolutely Nothing!

    Let’s take a closer look at what your fans have to say…

    *stands up* *round of applause* Harrump! Harrump! Ouch! The hamster up my ass just bit my colon!

    I cannot express how epic this article is. Actually, nobody can.

    I love it. Absolutely love it, for many reasons, not the least of which is that you prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that profanity is not “for stupid people who don’t know good words,” it’s also for stupid people who just don’t know. Keep up the good work, dumb-ass.

    So incredibly intelligent (giggle, giggle). Well said (tee-hee). If only the whole country could be held in a room and made to listen — then we’d never have to listen to this shit again. Especially when the boys in Texas were done with you. They’d gladly shoot whatever remains on the end of the chain — after they dragged you behind their pick up trucks for about 50 miles or so. lol

    What a lovely rant. It was cathartic just to read it, I can only imagine how much better you felt about the mass stupidity called ‘creationism’ after writing it. (Actually, “cathartic” is a substance that accelerates defecation.) I think your rant made you almost take a great big huge dump all over your Creator. Okay. Here’s the prayer you should say in private-time tonight: Thanks Dad, for giving me the brain to rant all this down, and the sphincter muscles to control myself; otherwise, I might have made an even bigger fool of myself. I love you Father. No, I don’t ‘chemically react’ to You! I’m just a stupid-fuck when it comes to You. I know You don’t hate me for being such a stupid fuck about You. I can’t help it. I’ve learned from the best. You’ll just have to deal with me by laughing Your fucking ass off at me when You ultimately invite me into Your Kingdom despite the fact that I just knew I had nothingness waiting on me. (You don’t really think that hydrogen gave you your sphincter muscles to save you from such further embarrassment, do you? Really?)

    That was well written and succinct. Thank you for that.
    Either that… or it was written in a WELL and SUCKED THE PINK (off my dick).
    And, oh yes, thank you for that. No, I’m serious! That was good! DAMN girl! Do you do trailer hitches too?

    Agreed. And nice to see a ‘forward thinking’ person. How appropriate. Considering your brain is only moving in one direction

    Excellent. A venomous, unrelenting, unforgiving and savage obliteration of the idiocy that latches onto our society like a tumour and drains it like a leech.
    “Right on!” “Fuck God!” Uh… yeah… right. We SHOULD have a society that really DID come from nothing, that chemically reacts to each other, and then passes away into nothing. Exactly like an anthill. But mind you, without a God Who made the fucking ants! We’ll have none of that, mind you! We’re all for changing from being a society affected by a malignant growth, to being a society that IS the malignant growth. Where can we all sign up for that?

    I have an erection now. Thanks. Oh shit! I just shot off in my drawers! Damned it! And here I was… all ready to butt-fuck you.

    a tear came to my eye… and a stain came to my shorts. (Wait a second… is this the same guy?)

    Fantastic. I’m tired of dealing with the rantings headless political beast that’s stumbling out of the dark ages. And here… you’ve come along and sung an anthem to it! Heil Atheism! Heil to the godless beast!

    I don’t see it as a rant, which may denote negativity, I see it as poetry.
    Yep. Here’s a few lines that come to mind:
    That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
    And then is heard no more: it is a tale
    Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
    Signifying nothing.

    Literally… signifying “nothing.”

    Reply
    • You’re welcome. You had to mill through some strong and colorful language for it, and, well… dear innocent tits… I’m sorry I was left with no choice but to put you through that.

      Reply
    • Too bad, you made the first you’re/your at the first possible occurence.
      Just writing a text longer than OP doesn’t make you more clever. Actually, most of your insults were about their penis, not their intellect.
      As a man who has both huge penis and intellect, I find it pretty laughable that you demonstrate publicly exactly what OP said, that is being willingfully stupid, and also that your mind seems so focused on cock that you must be having some kind of complex with your own.

      Reply
      • YOU’RE correct about the “you’re.”

        It’s a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System — to see if YOU’RE able to grasp anything besides the first sentence AND/OR any possible reference to male genitalia.

        You came through with flying colors.

        You even got extra credit for misspelling occurrence (two Rs) and using “willingfully” to modify “stupid.” There is no such word as “willingfully.” But there is such a word as stupid.

        Keep up the good work.

        Reply
        • Well, now we’re in the deep part of your ability to point at people’s little flaws in order to avoid the point.
          English is not my first language (I’m French, let us see if it is a big enough bone(r) for you to bite on). However, I speak better English than everyone I know. I do have the pretentiousness to believe that it is good enough.
          Now don’t bother answering. If you ever wonder what my next answer would be, please refer to the original post.

          Reply
          • Always good to have an extra set of eyes look over our work. I thought that’s what we were doing for each other. Then you went to the heart of what you saw as the important issue at hand. Penis size.

            I can’t imagine why you would not want me to bother answering you, when, here, you have SO perfectly gotten to “the point” — and brought such an enriching viewpoint to the discussion.

    • Your comment about OP being brainless because he believes organisms came from nothing is, actually, brainless. You act like that since atheists don’t believe a magic fucking wizard (which would have had to have come from something, though creationists don’t even have a explanation as to where their god came from, making them fucking hypocrites) designed everything. Listen to this: THE COMPLEXITY OF AN ORGANISM DOES NOT MAKE IT EVIDENT THAT IT WAS DESIGNED. IT DOES NOT EVEN SUGGEST IT. Furthermore, thinking unscientifically does not make you open minded. It makes you irrational, illogical, and brainless.

      It’s as simple as this. Evolution has been backed with over a century of research from scientists, and countless generation of evidence. You know this. It is a scientific theory. Creationism isn’t even a theory. It is illogical to believe in anything that does not have a scrap of evidence supporting it.

      Rejecting evolution but embracing creationism is like rejecting gravity but embracing a giant magnet in the sky.

      Reply
    • You sir, clearly have such a fucked up understanding of what evolution is, what even OBJECTIVITY is, and what science is that you have taken the time to compose this rant I wasted superfluous time on, and metaphorically lost brain cells over. Your claim that evolution is not testable or observable is the most ignorant thing I have read in a very long time. It would be a good premise for getting the most logical explanation for variation of species that has yet to be refuted that is as close to fact as anything we have in science is, evolution, out of schoolbooks if it weren’t for the fact that evolution IS testable, it HAS been tested, it IS observable, it HAS BEEN observed. You are as ignorant on this subject as the Kentuckian pastor living in a small town that sucks Jesus’s dick daily is. Considering that you laughably believe that you have obtained a decent grasp on it probably makes you even more ignorant than him. He may analogically be a scum-sucking organism at the bottom of a dock in the ocean, but you are the most primitive prokaryote in the history of the world.

      I lost all hope in giving you any credit as a semi-coherent human being when you brought up the origin of life of life in this debate, rambling about how improbable our civilization as it is today came from a single particle of hydrogen. What in the holy fuck does that have to do with evolution? Evolution does not touch base on the origin of life, because who fucking cares? Is gravity automatically falsified because it doesn’t talk about where it originated from? No. Evolution is simply the only logical, scientific explanation for speciation. Why the fuck are you talking about the origin of life?

      OP made a critical mistake in addressing creationists rather than anti-evolutionists in his rant, but you are just as wrong for tying the two together. Above that, your attack on OP for not believing we were created, that he believes we “came from nothing”, was equivalent to what I heard from freshmen highschoolers back in 2010. Do you want to know why OP rejects the concept of a creator? Because creationism -is- impossible to test. It is not a scientific theory, or even a hypothesis, and you have the audacity to blatantly act like “the creator” objectively exists, and OP is willingly ignorant for not believing this unsupported, ill-posed idea?

      So because OP doesn’t believe we were created by a magic wizard in the sky,therefore he must believe we came out of nothing?

      No.

      OP is rational enough to know that high school stoner-level speculation is pointless, unscientific, and a waste of time. And you believe that a creator’s existence is objective. Because you are scientifically ignorant and fucking idiotic. Religion’s societal acceptance and societies frowning upon equating it with Futurama, Star Trek, and other Sci-Fis does not make it any less equal.

      “An invisible dragon created us fifteen years ago, and we just think we remember life before that.” That’s the equivalent of any beliefs of creators in the world. It is equally testable (it isn’t), equally observable (it isn’t), and equally scientific (well gee, it motherfucking isn’t!).

      Science is a system used to prove through a series of tests, it is the most rational metric (I use that term very liberally) for the objectivity of anything we have today, and you refute evolution “because we had to have come from something!!11″ If it’s not testable, it’s fucking stupid to ponder.

      Essentially, your entire argument was “you have been reading textbooks, which are written to fed you lies”, however, you dressed it up in slightly less illiterate fashion. The Board of Education in even the most neanderthalistic of counties fortunately have people with enough of a brain to know that evolution exists by any metric we currently have, and that creationism is not a science. Evolution meets every single possible qualification to be labeled scientific.

      Hell, I’m almost certain you are completely ignorant of this subject and have yet to attend a university. If you took a formal biology course, you wouldn’t be rambling about “the origin of life” on this page.

      Oh, wait, but universities just feed lies from the most intelligent members of our society, right? And dinosaurs were simply buried in our ground to test our faith.

      Stay away from any polls. It’s people like you that make me sometimes want to do away with representation, because you are too fucking stupid to have any say in what is taught to our children.

      Reply
    • You sir, clearly have such a fucked up understanding of what evolution is, what even OBJECTIVITY is, and what science is that you have taken the time to compose this rant I wasted superfluous time on, and metaphorically lost brain cells over. Your claim that evolution is not testable or observable is the most ignorant thing I have read in a very long time. It would be a good premise for getting the most logical explanation for variation of species that has yet to be refuted that is as close to fact as anything we have in science is, evolution, out of schoolbooks if it weren’t for the fact that evolution IS testable, it HAS been tested, it IS observable, it HAS BEEN observed. You are as ignorant on this subject as the Kentuckian pastor living in a small town that sucks Jesus’s dick daily is. Considering that you laughably believe that you have obtained a decent grasp on it probably makes you even more ignorant than him. He may analogically be a scum-sucking organism at the bottom of a dock in the ocean, but you are the most primitive prokaryote in the history of the world.

      I lost all hope in giving you any credit as a semi-coherent human being when you brought up the origin of life of life in this debate, rambling about how improbable our civilization as it is today came from a single particle of hydrogen. What in the holy fuck does that have to do with evolution? Evolution does not touch base on the origin of life, because who fucking cares? Is gravity automatically falsified because it doesn’t talk about where it originated from? No. Evolution is simply the only logical, scientific explanation for speciation. Why the fuck are you talking about the origin of life?

      OP made a critical mistake in addressing creationists rather than anti-evolutionists in his rant, but you are just as wrong for tying the two together. Above that, your attack on OP for not believing we were created, that he believes we “came from nothing”, was equivalent to what I heard from freshmen highschoolers back in 2010. Do you want to know why OP rejects the concept of a creator? Because creationism -is- impossible to test. It is not a scientific theory, or even a hypothesis, and you have the audacity to blatantly act like “the creator” objectively exists, and OP is willingly ignorant for not believing this unsupported, ill-posed idea?

      So because OP doesn’t believe we were created by a magic wizard in the sky,therefore he must believe we came out of nothing?

      No.

      OP is rational enough to know that high school stoner-level speculation is pointless, unscientific, and a waste of time. And you believe that a creator’s existence is objective. Because you are scientifically ignorant and fucking idiotic. Religion’s societal acceptance and societies frowning upon equating it with Futurama, Star Trek, and other Sci-Fis does not make it any less equal.

      “An invisible dragon created us fifteen years ago, and we just think we remember life before that.” That’s the equivalent of any beliefs of creators in the world. It is equally testable (it isn’t), equally observable (it isn’t), and equally scientific (well gee, it motherfucking isn’t!).

      Science is a system used to prove through a series of tests, it is the most rational metric (I use that term very liberally) for the objectivity of anything we have today, and you refute evolution “because we had to have come from something!!11″ If it’s not testable, it’s fucking stupid to ponder.

      Essentially, your entire argument was “you have been reading textbooks, which are written to fed you lies”, however, you dressed it up in slightly less illiterate fashion. The Board of Education in even the most neanderthalistic of counties fortunately have people with enough of a brain to know that evolution exists by any metric we currently have, and that creationism is not a science. Evolution meets every single possible qualification to be labeled scientific.

      Hell, I’m almost certain you are completely ignorant of this subject and have yet to attend a university. If you took a formal biology course, you wouldn’t be rambling about “the origin of life” on this page.

      Oh, wait, but universities and scientists just feed lies, right? And dinosaur bones were simply buried in our ground by god to test our faith.

      Stay away from any polls. It’s people like you that make me sometimes want to do away with representation, because you are too fucking stupid to have any say in what is taught to our children.

      Reply
      • I don’t believe addressing creationists rather than anti-evolutionists is a particularly “critical” mistake here. If one wants to get into it, then, yes, a delineation needs to be made between specifically young-earth creationism and anti-evolution positions (such as ID and Islamic fundamentalism, which doesn’t mandate a young earth). But here isn’t the place for that and we can lump in anti-science positions with each other because of their commonalities – motives, for instance – and it is those that are under attack. As I’ve often said, what people believe is insignificant next to why they believe it, and it’s the latter that’s simply more interesting to get into.

        There’s much overlap in the reasoning – such as how both ID and YEC primarily centre on imagined grievances with evolution rather than their own supporting evidence base. It’s this commonality alone that makes differentiating them something that isn’t necessary except in more high-brow refutation where technical pedantry is both warranted and requires. Which, of course, this isn’t.

        Also, my reasons for rejecting a creator deity are a tiny bit more complicated than that. Creationism is more testable than skeptics give it credit for, it simply fails those tests.

        Reply
    • I’ve got this huge pile of BULLSHIT I’d like to offload.
      You appear to be my perfect customer, it seems you devour bullshit by the bucket load.
      Is there an actual RETARD UNIVERSITY where I can get a Doctorate in Applied Ignorance so I can come out with the same pseudo-scientific bull crap which oozes from the oral sphincters of the willfully ignorant.

      Reply
  23. It is people like you I think would populated a perfect world , people who actually know what they are talking about people like me it is sad people like that are few and far between therefor the genetic traits will be diminishing and the humans will become a religious crusading race of imbeciles by the way I know i didn’t use proper grammar

    Reply
  24. I like your thoughts, agree with you in principle, but think that, although the profanity expresses your frustration, it demeans the article a bit. However, well said.

    Reply
  25. You ranted like Yave and Jesus did.
    Christians win. tell took you to their domain.

    do no rant

    prove they are simple liars, and promoters of lies and hoax

    expose them: ex. if someone states “I can move a pendulum using just mi mind” make him prove it “MOVE IT RIGHT NOW, or be a LIAR”

    Reply
    • I fail to see your point; how do “Christians” win when I’m talking about Biblically literal creationists – or, potentially, fundamentalist Muslims such as Harun Yahya, who reject evolutionary biology, but that would muddy the waters since they don’t mandate a young earth.

      But I’m pleased you took the time to see everything I’ve written on this blog, on RationalWiki or on Facebook about the subject of creationism (or conspiracies, or alternative medicine) before concluding that all I do is rant and never challenge people for lying or perpetuating hoaxes. Your research must have been exceptionally thorough.

      Reply
  26. Pingback: Irreverence Cafe | Liam Fox: Irreverence Cafe

  27. I do think traditional religion shares responsibility for this creationist clap-trap. Regardless of your god beliefs, if you can believe anything, without a single shred of evidence to believe it is so, then you have succumbed to blind faith. If yes, then you can believe anything just because you say it is so. I personally have 9 gorillas, a whole family, that visit me every day, (they live above my house, in their own cloud) You can’t PROVE that they don’t exist!

    Reply
  28. Great rant. However, your title uses the subjunctive, so it should say “if I *were* more of a dick” (she said, dickishly).

    Reply
  29. RAmen! I’ve been dealing with idiots like that for more than 40 years, and often feel like saying the same things.

    Reply
  30. My one complaint: I know two or three really clever Christians. They share your mastery of the English language, and they’re open to religious discussion, and we usually agree to disagree. I think Creationists aren’t really any stupider than the average person, but they’re just victims of indoctrination, and the people responsible for that indoctrination are victims themselves, and this goes all the way back to a time when non-believers were executed.

    Reply
    • I know plenty of clever Christians, too. None of them believe the world was created 6,000 years ago, of course, and the majority of them are as annoyed with the Religious Right as I am. I would question whether their specific beliefs about, say, the resurrection or the second coming were well-formed but that’s a far more mature (and interesting, to be frank) conversation than I expect from fundamentalists or Biblical literalists. I like to separate general theology from creationism as far as I can – something I think a lot of atheists and “evolutionists” fail to do, much to their cost.

      Now, how far the “victim of indoctrination” sympathies go is very interesting qeustions. Certainly, the average teenager who’s been brought up on Ken Ham has a certain amount of get-out-of-jail-free from me – sure, in the post above I explicitly say “I do blame you”, but people need to be aware that the screed above is not the be-all and end-all of what I think. In truth, I’m not entirely sure where simple ignorance ends and wilful ignorance (that I take the biggest issue with) begins. I know from many former creationists and former evangelists that the brainwashing/indoctrination doesn’t completely rob you of thought – it’s not like these people are turned into robots, they can still think as much as anyone else. With your day-to-day creationists it’s more a case of dealing with so-called “thought terminating clichés” and trying to penetrate cognitive dissonance than raw stupidity.

      BUT, when it comes to the leaders who should know better (because they outright claim to know better) that sympathy fades. I do blame them. They are in a position where they can engage with other people, but refuse to, and then try to keep their minions in line by shielding them from opposing views. I think there’s something else going on there than just indoctrination continuing into adulthood. Their methods are too precise and intention for just that to be the case.

      Reply
  31. I don’t know chemistry. I only know the very basics of biology and physics. I know the difference between they’re, their, there as well as your and you’re. But I know this brilliant in its content and sarcasm.

    Reply
  32. Well I managed to read all the way through that rant, and even though I was trying to pick apart your arguments and find a small thread that would make it unravel, I just couldn’t find any fault to your logic, reasoning, concepts or conclusions. This text mirrors a conversation I had with someone yesterday, except it says it how I felt, not how I presented my argument (in a much calmer and reserved way)

    I get it all. The frustration, the anger and the catharsis. Unfortunately, the people this article addresses will have no understanding of how right you are and why you are so right. If it had the effect of making one of these people sit up and REALLY think, it will have been worthwhile writing (other than for the obvious joy it brought to yourself(worthwhile in itself)) My prediction is that every single one of them will have no concept of free thinking or critical arguments. Purely because they are so effing stupid!

    A great text. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Well, *technically*, the people this is addressing aren’t creationists themselves but the people who have had that head-bashing-against-the-wall experience.

      Though pretty much every creationist I’ve seen respond to it has proved it word-for-word.

      Reply
  33. But it’s only a theeooreeeee!!!! Ok, seriously now, will you marry me? I don’t care what sex you are, I think I’m in love.

    Reply
    • Being a self appointed archangel of the church of god the utterly indifferent I will provide the virtual ceremony free of charge – heck it will be as relevant as any other – if you insist on something more reasoned we can chuck in something from the Flying Spaghetti Monster…

      Reply
  34. Great rant and supports my long standing assertion that creationist idiots do know their shit is all lies, which makes them all the more egregious in their mendacity and makes them all the more deserving of the maximum castigation we can bring to bear.

    Reply

Go on, derp away...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s