Everything is a Terrorist’s Friend…

Today’s Daily Mail front page… Jesus fucking wept… Anyway, here’a a link to some snark from New Statesman on the subject. I want to offer my own below.

Here’s a list of all the things that are friends of terrorists…

It took me two minutes to find a car that could be used to mow people down in an intentional attack

THE INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

I notice that the suspect also breathed a considerable amount of oxygen in the run up to the attack

RESPIRATION, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

It takes approximately two minutes to conceive a child, a child that could grow up to read a terror manual

SEXUAL REPRODUCTION, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

Look at all the terror attacks that rely on substances reacting to form other substances, from fuel burning in engines to bullets firing to bombs exploding

CHEMICALS, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

We found a terrorist manual printed in PDF format online

UNICODE, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

We found a map of parliament that showed exactly where it was in London, enabling us to go bomb it if we wanted

THE LONDON A-Z STREET ATLAS, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

We noted that the attack had not yet been killed by a tumour, we have to wonder why were they spared this disease

CANCER, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

Yesterday, it took the Mail two minutes on web to find a terrorist manual

TCP/IP PACKET SWITCHING NETWORKS, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

It takes seconds to punch someone in the face, potentially killing them immediately.

VOLTAGE GATED CALCIUM CHANNELS LEADING TO MUSCLE CONTRACTION UPON RECEIPT OF A NERVE IMPULSE COMBINED WITH PRE-EXISTING HEAD INJURIES THAT MAY BE SENSITIVE TO SUDDEN IMPACTS, THE TERRORISTS’ FRIEND…

If I had the time, I’m sure it’d be worth photoshopping these onto a front cover, but it’s the fucking Mail, I’m not sure they’re worth the damn effort.

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