Theresa May Shocked To Learn ‘Red, White and Blue Brexit’ Still Not A Real Plan

Speaking on a two-day cruise to Bahrain, Prime Minister Theresa ‘What Even Is SSL, Anyway?’ May has described the need for a “Red, White, and Blue Brexit” only to be met with raised eyebrows from everyone paying attention.brexit_recession

“What? What did I say this time?” She asked.

When pressed for further details, May quickly responded with “What I mean is, Brexit Means Brexit” to be met with, yet again, further stunned silences. At one point, one top-level economist was seen to mouth the words ‘what the actual fuck’.

Brexit Is As Brexit DoesIt’s The Brexit, Stupid… Read My Lips: Brexit…”

“Okay, look, everyone…” May finally conceded. “We’ve gone over these plans in high level cabinet meetings. Believe me, we have formulated many, many potential plans for how this shit-show is going to go down.”

“We went over some other prospective candidates, such as ‘Super-Brexit‘, and ‘New Brexit: Now With a Hint of Mint‘ and our thorough analysis of those revealed they just wouldn’t work. We even hired some top-level consultants to think outside the box and come up with ‘Diet Brexit‘ and ‘Brexit With Bells On‘, and we even considered ‘Brexit II: The Brexoning‘ until one of the clerks pointed out we’d probably need a ‘Brexit I’ before we can have a ‘Brexit II’. At one point Phil the intern even suggested ‘Follow the existing pattern of existing affiliated member states, secure free access to the common market and existing trade deals via allowing free movement, then slowly phase out the EU regulations and directives that we don’t need in order to minimise sudden impacts to the economy, and put the resulting details to the public in a second referendum in late 2017… Brexit‘ but come the fuck on guys, that doesn’t fit in 140 characters so is completely unworkable as an idea.”

After walking away, May was replaced by a close advisor who revealed further details of the cabinet’s current plan. “Right…” he said. “You know how in RPG there’s a quest, yeah? Well, we’re on a quest called ‘Get Britain Out of the EU’, right? So, it stands to reason that there should be some old guy with purple hair standing at the back of a convoluted dungeon, sealed behind some ancient possessed hell beast, and he’ll have access to the ‘Elixir of Brexit’. Right? See, we’ve got this down, guys! Now worries. So Brexit Means Brexit, right? Come on, what more do you fuckers want from us?”


Go on, derp away...

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