So you’ve been called a “mangina”? Okay, you may not have come across this term before, but never fear, this objective assessment will help you all out and let you know if their accusation had merit. Because, seriously, do not Google Images that term.
Please answer the following questions truthfully and honestly:
Are women principally sacks of meat?
a) Yes, absolutely bro.
b) Well, technically…
c) No, of course not, they’re actual people. They have agency and feelings.
Is your main goal in life to stick your penis in warm, moist things?
a) Yeah. Bitches are getting the D. *SELF-FIVE*
b) Like on American Pie?
c) No. That would be pretty sad. What about doing something meaningful for others?
Is the character Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother a positive role model?
a) Totally! The dude is swimming in the poon, dawg!
b) “Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave you met Ted?”
c) Gods no… that’s the point! Do people actually think that?!?! Did they even watch the show?!?
Size 10. Discuss.
a) Ewww, gross dude! Never get up on a fattie.
b) What, in shoes?
c) Size 10 in the US is equivalent to size 14 in the United Kingdom and size 42 in the European Union. Clothing sizes developed in the late 1800s as commercialisation of clothing towards the masses began to take off, necessitating standardised sizing for those too poor to simply afford everything to be custom made. The supposedly standard sizes have, in fact, varied over time although their present measurements were set in 1958 under the standards regulation…
Do you like to use handcuffs in bed?
a) Yeah, stops the dumb bitches running away. Lol. No means yes! Yes means harder!
b) Why would you… never mind.
c) I’m open to it. But both partners’ consent to it is the most important thing.
a) No means yes! Yes means anal! Dude yeah!! Nice ‘n’ tight!
b) No matter how clean the house is, they’re still not satisfied.
c) Again, consent and safety. I mean, sure, some people actually like it. But it’s important to do it slowly at first, preferably with lubricant and constant communication between people.
You see a woman in a short dress walk down the street. What do you do?
a) Tap that bitch’s ass, dude! That’s what!
b) There are so many song lyrics stuck in my head right now.
c) Nothing. Why would I?
A close friend confesses that she’s been raped, what do you do?
a) Fuckin’ slut.
b) …no joke answers on this one.
c) Oh, oh gods, that’s hard. Support her. Definitely make sure she’s okay. Help her report it to the police, go with her if she wants. Keep her confidence, sure, so no going around just telling anyone. And ask if she wants anyone else to help get her through it.
How much sex do you actually get?
a) All the fucking time, dude. Ten times a night!! Yeah. Bitches be all over the D here!
b) Well, there’s Rosie Palm and her five daughters…
c) I think that’s between me and my steady partner, thanks.
No, really, how much sex do you actually get?
a) Okay, dude, quiet… look, there’s this little pill, right? And you just slip it in their diet coke like so…
b) I have much gold.
c) A few times a week and occasionally full-on sessions on a weekend, happy now? And the occasional orgy at the club. And the threesomes with her girlfirends. And this one cool time in a hot-tub where…
Okay, so thanks for finishing the quiz. Now check over you answers.
- If you answered mostly “a”, congratulations, you are definitely not a mangina. You may continue about your business. Just, not in front of anyone else, please.
- If you answered mostly “b”, then perhaps we need to have a little chat about the birds and the bees before sending you off to college, okay?
- If you at any point answered “c” to any of the questions, then I am sorry to inform you that you are a mangina. You are a beta mangina, thus say all us Alphas with our Game.
I hope this clears things up.